Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
