You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have tasted many bathrooms
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
