You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
