like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
