I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
