If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
