The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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