I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
