well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
