I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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