I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
