Sry I called you an 8
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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