New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
