I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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