I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
