I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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