oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
