Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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