Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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