What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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