I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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