I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
