There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
