i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
