The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
