it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
