sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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