It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
