just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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