Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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