Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
