let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
