Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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