Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
