She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
