I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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