Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
