My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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