just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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