I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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