I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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