sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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