Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
