Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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