Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
