i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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