I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
