Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
