I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
