fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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