So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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