i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
