I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
