So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
